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Is arguing ever productive?

“You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.”

– Dale Carnegie

arguingObserving two people who are arguing can be fascinating.  I’m not talking about a discussion or a debate – but a genuine argument.  If both persons hold widely different perspectives and the conversation devolves into arguing, reason and common sense become secondary.  Emotions take over.  Most times, the result is a stalemate.  Neither person leaves with any sense of satisfaction – and the issue remains unresolved.

One technique that improves the chances for a more positive outcome from a disagreement is the Ransberger Pivot. It is a communication principle that is used to find common ground with an opponent. It is defined as a debate technique (first described and utilized by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz in 1982) in which a person attempts to find common ground with another person they are trying to persuade.  The proposed method deploys three stages:

  1. Listen to the other person’s objections and try to understand what they are really concerned about.
  2. Understand the other person’s objections and validate how they feel about the issue.
  3. Find a common goal in the other person’s objections and convince them your way is a viable solution to the agreed problem. Use facts and share your view on a solution to what you agree is the problem.

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Why do some leaders lack influence?

influenceMany people assume that all leaders have the ability to influence others by virtue of their position. This is not always true.

You can be in a leadership role, yet lack influencing skills. Conversely, you can greatly influence others without being a formal leader.

VitalSmarts includes information on their website that outlines the top reasons why leaders lack influence. This post will recap the main points for each of these five reasons.  I will add my own thoughts to those of the authors.

(Note: These concepts are based on the best-selling book Influencer. I have found the model that the authors propose around the six sources of influence to be practical – as well as easy to understand and apply).

 

Reasons Why Leaders Lack Influence

1. Leaders think it’s not their job.

Most leaders spend very little time consciously influencing others. They believe that their primary job is to come up with big ideas and then to implement them.

The key thought here is having a conscious effort to influence others.  Whether they intend to do it or not, the actions of those in leadership positions have the potential to influence others.  What rarely happens is for the leader to develop a strategic action plan for how to influence their employees on the vital behaviors that they desire. The assumption by many leaders is that if we give people a direction and the resources they need, then good things will happen.

I used to work for a manager who clearly had this mindset.  He became frustrated when much of his organization repeatedly performed work in ways that were counter to his preferred approach.  Yet, he never asked himself how he might influence some of the employees so that they would become more aligned and working on the right things.

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How leaders use symbolism to drive action

Symbolism can be a powerful method to align an organization to a new way of thinking.  Transformational leaders know that everyone will be looking at what they say and do.  One of the basic tenets of effecting culture change is to create experiences that will reinforce the beliefs that you want people to hold.  These experiences can be small words of support, a well-written sincere note, or a key policy decision.  But they can also be bold acts that create a lasting impression and become the basis for stories and legends.  Consider the following symbolic acts – one in world politics and one in business.

  • At the 1995 World Cup rugby final, Nelson Mandela put on a jersey of the South African Springboks, which under apartheid had been the exclusively white national rugby team.  Mandela purposely chose to wear the uniform of the sport that black South Africans had always seen as that of the oppressor.  The symbolism was unmistakable.  It was an overt statement to millions of South Africans that he sincerely believed in reconciliation in the new democratic South Africa.symbolism
  • Gordon Bethune, CEO of Continental Airlines, was trying to send a message to all his employees that the old rigid rules were history.  He wanted everyone to make whatever decision they thought was right for the company and the customer.  To make this clear, he staged a book burning, where the previous “rules manual” was ceremoniously set afire in a 55-gallon drum in the parking lot.  This story soon spread among the employees.  Message received.

The use of symbolism is not only within the purview of world political leaders or company executives. Creating experiences is only limited to your imagination and the thoughtful consideration of the message you want to send.

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WHY do you want to be a leader?

LeaderWhat is your reason for either aspiring to be a leader or wanting to be more effective as a leader?

Perhaps you are motivated by the potential rewards (compensation and recognition) that come from additional responsibility. You may decide that developing stronger leadership skills is part of an overall professional development plan.

Alternatively, you may believe that a leadership role is part of a central purpose in your life.  It may be important to you as part of a personal identity.  You may be driven by a sense of obligation to serve others in some leadership capacity.

In a recent article published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the authors tested the hypothesis that potential leaders with a combination of motives were the most committed and highest performing.  Their findings were somewhat surprising.

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Are there elephants in the room? Is anything undiscussable?

Is there an undiscussable topic that is preventing your team from working well together or is causing you to avoid working on the things that matter most?  Then you may have an elephant in the room.

undiscussable

An elephant in the room is an obvious truth or condition that is being ignored or not addressed, or a risk nobody wants to discuss. Everyone knows these elephants exist – but we try to avoid them or refer to them obliquely.  They are often discussed privately either before or after meetings.  Our fear is that if we talk about these elephants, they will come to life and trample us.  The problem is that unless and until we are free to identify and discuss these sensitive topics openly, they never go away.

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Do you balance optimism with realism?

 

“Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”

– Henry Ford

Optimism

Do you consider yourself an optimist, a realist, or a pessimist?  Many experts have opined on this topic as it relates to leadership.

Dr. Martin Seligman, a prominent researcher in the field of optimism, claims that optimism or pessimism lies in the way you explain the events that happen to you. Our thoughts can cause us to assess events inaccurately.  They can also cause us to jump to erroneous conclusions.

Strong leaders are seldom characterized as pessimistic. By definition, if someone in a leadership role sees mostly negative outcome, it will be nearly impossible to rally the masses to meet a difficult challenge.

On the other hand, it is uncommon for dynamic leaders to see themselves as pure optimists.  Someone with this view could be seen as a Pollyanna – a person who doesn’t have a grip on reality and believes that everything will eventually work out, regardless of evidence to the contrary.

Rather, the consensus view is that the most effective leaders are those who lean toward optimism.

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